We began this relationship series with the most important relationship you’re a part of—your relationship with yourself. Heal yourself so others won’t have to heal FROM you. I know that one burns, but it’s the truth. Broken marriages, friendships, and individuals cause the rippling pain of discomfort and insecurities. In the medical field, we say you need to build more fences at the top of the cliffs instead of preparing more ambulances at the bottom. Poor relational wellness is an epidemic for which we have not made an adequate vaccine.


You’ve probably heard, “You are the sum of the five people closest to you.” Are you a positive person that people want to be around? Do you exude affirming habits? Do you know where to begin? Relational wellness starts with you. You can heal most relationships with the proper mindset, expectations, and patience. 

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”-Gandhi.

Below are the four secrets to relational health and wellness. This is not the key to being happy all the time or staying on cloud nine. We are all human. These secrets help you account for human error, celebrate the wonder of those around you, and work through the inevitable hurdles in life.

1. Be curious, not critical

Inquire about and examine the intentions, expectations, and communication styles of others. Position yourself as a judgment-free zone.

2. Care, don’t crush

This is the second part of curiosity. Instead of assuming other’s intentions, be gentle and patient. Give them a safe space to communicate and share their expectations. Don’t close off the open lines of communication.

Set boundaries before anger speaks. Do not allow anger and frustration to rule over you or your companion. Make a pact not to threaten each other with harsh things like divorce or divisive, hurtful actions out of spite. 

3. Ask, don’t assume

Please do not assume your companion will come to you with a ready-made apology when they have offended you. Sometimes, people don’t know when they wound you. Take up the initiative to kindly confront them about the offense. Put yourself in their shoes. Offer them respect as they explain their side of the story. 

4. Connection before correction

The more you learn about others, the more willing you will be to embrace their differences, search for their strengths, and focus less on their weaknesses. The best way to have healthy relationships is by creating a safe haven for people to feel heard and valued. People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued. 

You are uniquely remarkable!

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